APAture Live

Laugh On/ Comedy Night

7:10 pm - Sam Chanse is definitely responsible for bringing a comedy night to APAture. Not that we didn't have comedy before, but comedy came to us, we didn't go looking for it. So we'd get one comic here, a sketch comedy group there. That kind of thing.

Sam, on the other hand, being a comic herself, had (has?) a little posse of Asian American comics she made (makes?) the rounds with, so she was able to get these folks to submit applications and put together comedy nights starting in 2005 ... although if I'm remembering correctly, I think there was a comedy hour earlier than that, no? Maybe not.

Anyhoo, in the grand KSW tradition, we organized a comedy class with Allan Manalo teaching, so that we could have more comics in the future. This was Sam-driven, of course, and some of the students turned up in subsequent APAtures. Just like we like it. This is a big part of the reason why KSW does classes, by the way: because at any given time there aren't very many Asian Americans doing X, and so KSW finds the one Asian American doing X and makes him/her teach a class and then grabs the students who come out of the class and forces them to become good at it by making them perform. It's art coercion. Co-art-cion.

It would be cool if Sam would teach a stand-up class, actually, hey Sam?

7:23 - Ellen welcome to Day 6 of APAture. KSW speech. Upcoming APAture events. Tonight is comedy night: four comedians. Thank sponsors. Intro Mimi Wong, emcee, board member.

7:25 - Mimi Wong: plug for membership. Become a member today and get a free CD, chapbook, or t-shirt. Upcoming KSW events. Tonight four comedy groups.

Intro Jeffrey Lei, started in 1999, opened for X, X and Robin Williams.

7:26 - Jeffrey Lei. Bio was all lies.

(Jeff has performed at APAture since the first one. He's also part of Matt Abaya's posse so he's appeared in a number of APAture film shorts.) Unemployed, watching TV. Herbal Essence has sexual connotations. Men don't need Herbal Esssence to have an orgasm in the shower: any shampoo will do.

Entertainment: Paris Hilton, where are the other hotel heiresses? Cindy Travelodge. Back to free time. Friend addicted to porn. Porn outtakes. A bunch of straight guys sitting around watching porn, don't get it. After a while gets irritable and pent up, then has to go to the bathroom. Capp street shout out. (Not getting a lot of love. Jokes are funny, but his delivery is bad tonight. Not hamming enough, not giving us enough time.)

Movie superheroes. He would be the Hulk, without the superstrength. Wonder Woman, padded underwear, bladder problem? Afraid she'd have cameltoe on national TV. (I haven't seen Jeff perform in years. This is all new material to me. Also, his earlier stuff was aaaallll identity stuff and Asian stereotypes. I'm seeing none of this, wow. What a difference.)

Impression: John Cho in every movie: "What the fah?" John Cho playing Sulu. Doesn't go the route of APA joke, but rather deals with Sulu being gay. Set phasers on stun. Doesn't go over. Cheap Asians hoarding napkins. Fast Food: at KFC they want to know your name. These jokes should work but he's stumbling over words. Ouch, and I hate it when comics talk to you about "that's a new joke" or "hey, that joke didn't go over well!" Not funny or professional. Makes the audience feel uncomfortable and annoyed.

Stuffed animals in car windows. Gettin' over and still single. Tough on Asians with the family pressure. Thinking about his wedding. Can't throw rice at a Chinese wedding 'cause grandma would lose her mind for wasting rice. Old Chinese folks look like Yoda. Spitting. Does the hawking sound. Sounds like they're making cappucino. Gross. Gets a laugh.

Asian issues: remember the old school racism? Playground. Ching chong, Bruce Lee. (Oh, we're getting into his older material. Okay, he's definitely off tonight. He's not delivering this with the conviction he used to.) If you want to talk like a Chinese, just talk like you're singing off key and add an "aaaaaaa" at the end.

Oral sex: Asians probably pretty good at it, 'cause look at the things we eat. We have talent for sucking little piece of meat off bone. Oral sex is a lot of work. Feels like a cow chewing his cud. Spit suction things from the dentist. Funny. SF known for Chinese and gay. He's only Chinese can't handle two parades in one year. Ends a little abruptly.

7:44 - Mimi: Jeff has dabbled in making porn, so go home and google "Jeffrey Lei" and "Dick Ho".

Hobo Fish, formerly Asiantics. Used to be part of Berkeley group Theater Rice aand Jericho Improv.

Long form improv: intermixed related scenes. Need a volunteer. Volunteer talking: he's here with his United group. SF State class. (Okay, enough interviewing him. I'm bored. This process is taking way too long.)

Based on stuff he said about his friends they set up a scene of roommate conflict. Another scene: application to "Unity." Interview. Applicant is a gang member. New scene between boyfriend and girlfriend; he tries to break up with her and she agrees. Two grave robbers digging up the same grave. They're coming up with good ideas, but a split second too late. And they're following jokes up with the obvious, rational thing, rather than with the next crazy idea.

Mother taking a girl who's dressing too sexy to Turlock to join 4-H. New scene country singer on TV. Country Joe, hired to sing about iPhones. Awkward. They're running out of ideas. Country Joe's accent sounds like a speech impediment. Smoked out lab partner. Friendship phone service operator is being stalked.

Cute. Will be good in a few years.

8:06 - Mimi: next comedian Joe Nguyen. Producer of Scantily clad comedy at the Clubhouse, at Geary and Mason Friday nights.

Vietnamese Jew hapa. How'd that happen? One had an Asian fetish, the other needed a loan. Stupid "ah so" joke. Vietnamese voters mailing list, all in Vietnamese. (Does a decent Vietnamese accent.) The benefit to being on that mailing list is no mail from John McCain.

His mom is the Jew, that's what we call her. Born and raised in Dominican Republic, parents are refugees. Mom claiming she's Hispanic. Wish he knew that b/c it would've helped him get into college. Bagging on multicultural night at college. Transgender bathrooms. Moved to SF, went to GG Park and saw field of buffalo. Sign in braille.

Putting on weight, measured body mass index, only .5 BMI away from being obese. I should go for it. Sibling rivalry. Legos. Brother graduated from MIT with a PhD in medical engineering, and he's graduated from traffic school three times. Catholic church has sexual abuse insurance. Imagine the salesman. "Batman is that you?"

Favorite band Rage Against the Machine. Wanted to go see them but ran out of vacation days. The Machine won that battle. Works for state of Cali: rage against self. Life didn't turn out how he expected. Bad at choose-your-own-adventure. Does a choose-your-own adventure with his life. Wikipedia entry for "hack comedy" has entry for jokes about embodying stereotypes of both heritages. (ZOMG it's true!) Bagging on the south. Playing fast and loose with the calendar.

Friends have to send him everything they see that has to do with Asians. Vietnamese rap video. "Gooks" did John McCain write this song? Doesn't want to be mistaken for Korean. Convenience store racism. Ended on a weak note, but it was a good set. Very good.

8:28 - Mimi: Hasan Minhaj. (Oh boy, I hope he didn't read my post on LAP-POP and come here in the spirit of vengeance. Or just: I hope he didn't read my post on LAP-POP.)

Hasan: Mr. India. Ever go to a place where you used to work? Office Max. Guy trying to use a Staples card. Compares it to him trying to use Harry Potter currency. Funny. He's a writer now, quit his job. Tried to get all his health benefits. Oh, the fill in the ethnic category bit. (I didn't raise my hand again for the "Alaskan Native" joke.)

Doesn't like it when people associate him with the emotions they had when eating ethnic food. Working out in the gym. Couple working out together. Douchebag boyfriend. Acts like he's not there. Who's in relationship? Who's single? Relationships are overrated. Ex girlfriend talking shit about him joke. Heard this one.

I used to work with computers bit. What would you do if you had 5.6 billion dollars? bit. Hates the PC job titles. Takes public transportation. Pardon my French bit. Racist friend bit. Still not funny. "Captain Planet" bit.

(Interesting. He's doing much better tonight. Audience is in a better mood. The mood rolls forward from joke to joke. It's funny b/c the performance is nearly the same, but feels completely different. I think his energy is higher, too.)

Kobe Bryant bit. Didn't go over well. Dad trying to give directions on phone. I've heard this one, but last year. His comedy success doesn't impress his parents. Can find something about a serial killer that's positive that Hasan doesn't have. Overprotective. Guilt trip. Asian kids will never be kidnapped b/c they'll be guilted into bringing the kids home.

Growing a beard. Hates the Mach 3 ads. Accusing Muslim Americans of not being patriotic. Go to Costco.We're gluttonous. Black Friday people line up outside department store like they're refugees. Use the footage to intimidate foreign powers. Kanye West bit. He's weakening now. Not as much energy.

That felt like a long set, but the first 75% was really good.

9:02 - Mimi closing it out. Four more days of APAture.

Act Out/ Performance Night

8:20 - Intersection for the Arts. What?

This is a general mixed performance night, much more in line with traditional APAtureness, where all disciplines are mixed in together. Tonight is also Sam Chanse's performance. Sam has a longer history with APAture at this point than I do. And she's the featured artist in performance.

8:22 - Ellen Oh welcomes us. Day Seven. Year Ten. Upcoming events. Upcoming programs. Thanks sponsors. You know the drill by now, right? Intros Jack, committee member. Bar is open.

8:25 - Jack - welcome. Pitch for the rest of APAture and t-shirts and booze.

Philip Huang (writer) born in Taipei, lives in Berkeley. Model turned actress. (Plus, he's a kickass writer. Seriously. One of his readings actually brought me to tears. Me!

8:26 - Philip - sneaks out the curtain. In character. Asks for cup of tea. Khalil brings it and sits down next to him. Giving us character: nervous giggly diva. Making a lot of our sipping his tea. Licking the cup, spilling it all over himself and licking it off. Shy giggling again: it's delicious. How's everyone doing tonight? Welcome my fellow Asians and Filipinos. Big laugh. Turning 33 next week. Prime number, lucky year. Bittersweet: year that Jesus committed suicide. Maybe accidental overdose. Love that you can interpret the Bible any way you want.

Went to Israel last year. Had so much fun in Israel got AIDS twice. Talking back and forth with woman in the audience. Wanted to have a three-way with an Arab and a Jew on top of the Wailing Wall, while shooting an M16. Didn't get to do that. Did get to shoot at the wall and accidentally shot a child, but it was a girl.

Did meet with a rabbi, Kabbalah. He shared the unspoken name of God with Philip. He'll share it wiht us tonight. Makes sucking sound while pointing at it his dick.

Did an "internment" at an animal shelter. Internship. I'm not Japanese. Khalil Solomon everyone! They're community activists; want to promote awareness about a health issue. Khalil is the black Alicia Keys. Khalil gets a guitar.

(This stuff is so offensive it would be funny, but timing is a little off.)

Singing that Beyonce song "to the left, everything you own in the goiter to the left" singing about a goiter. Ties a scarf around his throat to look like a huge goiter. Goes off on a rant about the goiter. Goiters are treatable. Tells story about having a goiter in the Philippines when he was ten. Falls into sobs. Khalil starts singing goiter song. Philip runs around doing interpretive dance. Goes into the audience and makes people touch the goiter.

Philip: can we hold hands? We can end goiters tonight.

Is that the end? That was weird, Philip. WTF? Wow, that was a weird little trip through Philip's freaky fuckin' mind.

8:42 - Jack: does a bit of a spiel about KSW and APAture. Intros Irene Fay Duller. Founding member of 8th Wonder, more stuff that I can't keep up with. New piece from her called "Skywalk" about finding home. All stories are true.

Irene: has a group of performers with her. using black boxes a set. Four characters. Girl talking about climbing a mountain. Boy talking about going back to find his roots. Girl talking about being out there and having a dream of ancestors.

(This is very Bindlestiff-style. Dance, movement together with monologue, identity stuff. Dream stuff.)

Now they're interacting. Texting in the Philippines a different language. We're a clever and creative people. Made up conflict between a guy and a girl about whether or not text language is good.

Going into a poor area to observe poor people. Leave your first worldliness. Guy gets grossed out. Describes the garbage by listing it. No one should live here. You are so first world. Monologue about his feelings.

Dancing bell-bedecked woman comes out. Music. She has a boa of fake flowers. Gives it to a girl. (Okay, so this is an esxperience of traveling back to the motherland, having dreams; failing to have the experience you wanted.) Takes the flowers away. Girl wakes up. Gets excited about the dream. She came to me, the river goddess. In touch with the earth. She's been researching this stuff.

(Damn, she's got some sharp things to say about roots searches. Could be a little tighter. It's kind of slow anyway and the performances aren't paced right.) They go out to the forest to collect the things the goddess told her in the dream. Her offering doesn't work out the way she wants it to. This was her test.

The mountain climbing part. Three of them describing the scene. Trying to keep up with the effortless guides. List of things back home they're thinking about. The grant proposal. Rice terraces full of blues music. Singing a canon. Goddess comes back out and dances. On the peak.

Wow, that was interesting. I'd like to see the whole piece when it's finished. I always wondered what the next step for Bindlestiff-trained writers and performers was gonna be. There it is. That is definitely a development.

9:06 - Jack: all artists are volunteering tonight. Please go talk to them and ask them when they're performing next.

Intro dance number. Rogel Camba. Danced on MTV show. Funkanometry. "Dark Identity" piece.

Rogel: group of six dancers all in black. Interpretive hip hop dance, to Portishead. If I'd been a dancer when I was sixteen and hiding in my room, listening to the Smiths, this is what I would have choreographed.

Okay it's picking up now. Aaannd we're back to agonized. Aaaannd we're picking up again. Each dancer gets a spotlight in one of these segments. Oh, this is the sexy segment. Good thing there's three boys and three girls! Feeling each other up and freeze-framing. Now we're writhing on the floor. Yeah, let's end with that ... with one of the boys doing one of the girls doggy style. Oh, it was Rogel doing the girl doggy style. Ladeez? Whatcha think?

9:22 - We're still in intermission. Pireeni stole the rest of my burrito. Mark stole the rest of my chips before the performance even started. Somebody opened the door so I can tell it's cooling off outside.

9:31 - Jack's back: people are milling, trying to find seats. Somebody gets into my personal space. Get out of my personal space! Jack intros Truthisreal TIR. www.truthisreal.com.

Sam comes out. Doing spoken word act in a black hoodie. Wisdom is knowledge. Pumping herself up. Pome about her grandmother. Called "Grandmother." (Hitting it all: "rice," "gold mountain," "sour plums," "other," "mango")

Now she's doing another character. Suzette Law, doing a weird voice. She's a volunteer for APAture festival, Professor Dariotis forces us to be here*. Conscription. Suzette has to be personal emcee for some girl, I mean woman. Intros Samantha Chanse. New stuff.

Now she's doing herself. HOW META!

Opening remarks: I am unworthy. Wasting other people's time. Quick to pass judgment on others. Unsuitable for employment. Quick to anger and to remorse. Bad at finances. Sometimes I laugh at babies ... falling. I hate you all but most of all I hate myself.

9:47 - Doing her dad? Calling somebody. His son is in medical school and coming home for a visit. Making a reservation with a friend at a restaurant. Daughter is Suzette, creative writing major at SFSU. Oh! Dig at "community organizers." Yeah, she said it.

Back to Suzette. Presenting the next piece while Sam prepares. Brings Goh Nakamura up. Childrens' book by Sam as a child, called "Fright Night," projected onto screen. (This is a real book Sam made as a kid, actually. She forced me to read it at her birthday party when she was drunk.) Suzette reading Sam's notes. It's a metaphor for bifurcated identity. The monsters coming out of the cemetery are people of color trying to invade white communities. Goh is playing atmospheric woo-woo music in background. Dismantling white hegemony.

9:58 - Sam playing Sam as very insecure. Pulls in bit from stand up about her last name. I like this bit, or would like it if I hadn't seen it twenty times already. Okay, not her fault. White kids with Down Syndrome. "Bitch you think too much Syndrome" thing. (This is interesting. She's playing it really slowly ... maybe b/c it's a "theater piece" and not a standup routine. It's really working. What's the lesson here? Slow it down.) Ooo. She added a weird little incestuous element to the end.

Back to the Dad. He's on the phone again. Same guy. Wants to add one more person to the table. The guy he's talking to is the chef. How messed up China is. They do Chinese things better in SF than in China.

10:08 - Sam's back. She's hapa, multiracial. Grew up in New York, there weren't that many of us. Wrote a song about her experiences being mixed (with Goh backing her up.) Song called "hapahapahapahapahapa." This'll get better with time. Food metaphors. Ouch.

Suzette again: there's real stuff going on in the world. We're going to have the first multiracial president and nobody talks about it. And all she's talking about is her identity.

Dad's back: calling him again. Why don't you bring a friend? Slight change of plans. His son's bringing "a friend" who's not a girl, so I can't go. I'm not comfortable with it. They don't want to get married so you can still go.

Sam again, doing her stand up thing about her Dad. Suzette: theres only one more thing left. Thanks to Intersection and volunteers, and people in light and sound booth, and audience. One more thing she's gonna do.

Dad's back: talking to Suzette. Arguing about not getting over Chris' five year relationship.

10:24 - Lots of applause. That was really good. Best thing I've seen so far at APAture. And she didn't pay me to say that.

Jack: last words.

And we're done.

* ETA: "Professor Dariotis" is Wei Ming, who wasn't "Professor" yet when we started APAture, but was a lecturer at SF State. She has stocked APAture's volunteer corps with her students since the beginning, by requiring them to do community service, and then telling them that volunteering at APAture would do the trick. Nice, huh? The first hired APAture coordinator, Andrew Amorao, was one of Wei Ming's students, and nearly every APAture intern has been too. Wei Ming hooked us up with the Filipino fraternity (can't remember the call letters), who did security for us the first three years. For scale, just realize that during the first few years, we required about 80 volunteers for the entire festival. I can't understate how key Wei Ming's professorly arm-twisting has been to the success of the festival.