« Urban Fantasy Structures and Definitions III | Main | Urban Fantasy Structures and Definitions IV »

January 12, 2013

Nothin' To Do No One To Do It With

There's a funny interaction between having nothing to do and having no energy to do it with. It's Saturday night and I have nothing to do and nowhere to go because I've had chronic fatigue syndrome for three years and can't reliably go out and be with people. So I've stopped looking for things to do, staying on mailing lists, exporting evites and checking my FB events, and making dates with friends and dates.

There's a feeling of relief when I survey the night and realize it's Saturday and I have nothing to do and no one to do it with. I'm not sure if the relief is that I have nothing to do because I wouldn't have the energy to do it if I did and then I'd feel like I was missing out ... or if I'm relieved that I don't have the energy or desire to do anything because I wouldn't have anything to do or anyone to do it with if I did. Not sure it matters.

How do you maintain friendships when you can't do anything social?

I'm thinking about this because I'm feeling better and actually have a little bit of energy right now. I could:

  • MAYBE go to the gym for 25 min.
  • do some yoga at home
  • go out for something specific: a movie or theater show, if it was nearby or somebody picked me up
  • spend 30-60 min at a party if I could get home again right away afterwards

But just thinking about doing any of this (except the yoga) makes me tired. It would have had to be planned ahead of time. And I don't need to do anything. There's a kind of satisfactory balance to this, that's the only kind of satisfaction you can get from this illness.

Part of me dreads getting better, because when my will and desires come back with my energy (if they ever do), having nothing to do on a Saturday night will drive me crazy.

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d83451c59b69e2017d3fd8c77c970c

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Nothin' To Do No One To Do It With:

Comments

I wish I knew. I keep IRC and IM on and chat with people to feel in touch with people. Not a big phone talker. I have had a nice time lately with my friend Val who faces some similar issues. She had a book swap at a cafe that was accessible and close by to a bunch of us. and then tea a few weeks later. I have a hard time going out to dinner with people b/c it is usually too late and by that time I am too tired and in pain to sit upright for that long. I don't watch a lot of media but tv/movie-watching seems to be the way a lot of people socialize. I can do that for a bit but again it happens at night. Any sort of going out is nice, but hard.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Join My Mailing List!