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August 28, 2007

Bachelor Parties as Black Holes

I usually hate Cary Tennis, but I love him today.

Some incredibly dumb woman is stressing because her husband is going to a bachelor party where the groom's best woman friend will be.

He is going to a bachelor party. You have said, "That's cool. I'm cool with that." But it's so outrageously lame it makes you want to set fire to the couch. But you are so used to going, That's cool, that it will take you a few minutes to realize that you really want to set fire to the couch. So remove all the matches from the house before you really start thinking about this.

A chick is going to be at the bachelor party, but that doesn't matter either because the bachelor party doesn't matter and she can't do anything anyway because she ceases to exist when she enters the bachelor party because the bachelor party is like temporary black hole. The only difference -- and this is the lamest thing of all -- is that the black hole is not even a real black hole, just a temporary black hole, like one of those bounce houses set up on the crabgrass for a kid's party.

So mix a few drinks, watch some reruns of "Dallas" and try not to kill yourself.

All advice columnists should be like this all the time. Seriously, that was my LOL for today.


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