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October 25, 2009

Lost in Battlestargate: Voyager

So, I've gotten addicted to the new Stargate: Universe series, and, just as quickly, started losing interest in it.

It steals storytelling and camera styles from the BSG playbook. Don't mind that. But there's no actual characterization involved. The much-touted lesbian Ming Na character didn't actually turn up a single characteristic until episode five. Her personality point? Craven manipulativeness. Ah so, Madame Ming Na!

Also, the black character is an out of control, violent brute who first shows up imprisoned, emphasis on "prison". But With A Heart Of Gold Of Course! And the high-status white girl? A slut. A slut who sleeps with one man while using another (the requisite Seth-Rogan-a-like Mary Sue geek.) The other two white women? A hot blonde whose hair never gets out of place, and tough cookie with huge bazoombas, who is first seen fucking the same guy the high-status slut later fucks. Oh and that guy? He's the honorable, young, white lieutenant we all love. Plus, this universe is full of wives who stay at home and reject their honorable, white husbands, or are too dependent on their honorable white husbands so that they fall apart when they die, or who die themselves, driving their formerly honorable, genius, white husbands mad (potentially.) But what else would a woman do? Unless she's a dyke, of course, or a slut?

Also: the good colonel is a white guy and teh bad colonel is Lou Diamond Phillips.

The good news: an early conversation between the hot blonde and Ming Na puts the Bechdel Save on this series. Unless it's just a setup for them to have hot lezbo secks. The bad news: see above.

Plus, did I mention? No characterization. We have a volatile genius scientist guy who may be manipulating everyone and everything and may have put them all out in space in the first place (Dr. Longhair, I know Gaius Baltar, and you, sir, are no Gaius Baltar.) We have an honorable, white captain leader type. (Sir, I know Captain Picard and you are no Captain Picard.) We have the honorable lieutenant (see above), we have the supposed hottie all the guys are starting to want (the not-so-hot and very annoying Senator's daughter, but high-status!), we have the dykey, cowardly, Asian bureaucrat, we have the scary, violent black soldier, we have the potentially dykey hot blonde medic (Ma'am, I know Izzy Stevens and you are no Izzy Stevens), we have a bunch of ineffectual, white, male geeks (Sirs, I know Joss Whedon, and you are no Joss Whedon. Whedons), and ... uh ... yeah.

Characters? We don't need no stinkin' characters!

Is it sad that this is my best SF of the season?


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You are so right, and I so loathe SGU with the white hot heat of a thousand suns.

On the other hand, SGA is rubbish, too, but I'm totally hooked on that. But only for the fanfic. There's a different level of stupid involved in SGA - but there's some endearing acting going on in the spaces inbetween. Sigh.

SGU sucks. And the thought that Sky are trying to remake Blake's Seven makes me want to eat my own eyeballs. Where is there Good Stuff any more? *is cranky and middle aged*

And yet, I'm still a little bit addicted. Won't be for long. Looks like the next episode is "oh look, we're running out of water! Let's run around like mad people, certain we're going to die, and then find out at the last minute that the ship has taken care of us after all! Since we already did that with life-support and power in previous episodes!"

I wonder how many things they can do this with before they completely lose their audience. Lessee ... food? Medications? They could do something with temperature ... Clothes! That would be good. Like their clothes all rot off and they run around nekkid, and hilarity and sex ensue, until the ship saves them all from fucking each other by revealing a wardrobe room full of shiny shiny one-pieces that never die.

Oh, and instead of remaking Blake's Seven, why don't they release the original on DVD already? *is disgruntled and American*

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